Heartbreakthrough

The saga continues. It's been so interesting to see how people are dealing with it. Some are withdrawing, some are rooting down for the long haul; some are pissed, others beseeching--and then there's the occasional "OM OM OM LOVE AND LIGHT everything is fine!" sort of cheerleader voice thrown in. There are the folks who want the nitty gritty details, and others holding space for a bigger perspective; there are poets and jokesters and analysts but more than anything there is a sadness. There's just no other way to put it: this is a big bummer for everyone.


It's been just over two weeks since the you-know-what hit the fan and I am about tuckered out from the constant feed of news on the internetz. It's sick. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of hearing everyone and any one's opinions.

As much as it sucks, the more I think about it, the more it makes total sense. This is the year where everything is set to shift; the world as we know it is coming to an end. The end of this beginning is just another symptom of a greater cosmic unfurling. We are being cooked in the great pressure cooker of the universe, and shit is about to get real. Who'd have thought one of the first big shake ups of the year would be a complete crisis in the yoga community?If it weren't such a disappointing cliche, it might actually be really funny.


Government is breaking down, the health care system is in shambles, and access to education is rapidly diminishing; I can't find an apartment in the city to save my life so it looks like I'll be living with roommates until I'm 50, and I'm making less money/year than any year since I was 21. Old ways of being no longer serve and we are collectively feeling the great squeeze.


OF COURSE this top heavy, patriarchal, hierarchical, single white-man run organization is unsustainable. Of course the new paradigm will be a horizontal system run collectively and cooperatively. You can't preach riding the great shakti wave in every aspect of your life and then ignore her in how you run an entire global organization. Truly, I see this as what the universe is demanding-no longer asking, but DEMANDING-happen to not only all aforementioned systems, but also within each and every one of us.


Another reason I'm grateful for this drama is the light it's shed on a few dark corners of my own sadhana. There were aspects of the Anusara community that I no matter how I tried, I just couldn't relate to--now that this is happening, for the first time I realize I am not the only one who felt that way. For example, one of the tenets of the method is fostering community. This is an incredible part of studying Anusara--no matter where you go in the world, you will be met with open arms by similarly oriented folks. However, certain parts of it felt false to me--what I call the Anusara bandwagon. Sometimes all the "SHINE OUT" jargon felt like cheerleading which quite frankly is the last thing I needed. I kept waiting for something to click within me, like one day I'd wake up and feel different. One day I'd wake up and realize that new John Friend endorsed Manduka mat really would elevate my practice to a whole new level! (har, har)


So that's one thing. I feel a new freedom that I don't have to fit into a certain mold to gain acknowledgement (because, let's face it, I am not the cheerleading type and I'm rounder than most yoga teachers you see out there). For now, I am clear about what this is all about for me and in this moment, it's not about a license, or even a certificate. It's about following my heart and those teachers who speak directly to it. None of my teachers have resigned which I find interesting.


I heard a Baron Baptiste quote recently that went something like "When you squeeze and orange, juice comes out. When you are squeezed, what do you get?" This scandal is such fodder for the practice. It's a great opportunity to learn to make spiritual lemonade!


Love to all
<3

Bring a friend for free promo

Hey Everyone! I am lucky to be able to offer this promotion--for the entire month of February, bring a friend for free to my class: Friday nights @ 7:45. Much love...

Notes on a Scandal

On Friday, February third, two things happened that couldn't have possibly pulled my heart in two more opposite directions.

Ever since I started my novice yoga teaching career just shy of two years ago, I always said I wanted to give the practice back to communities who perhaps wouldn't have access to the teachings/public yoga classes. Friday afternoon saw me on the 49 bus up Van Ness for a meeting with case managers from La Casa De Las Madres, an organization that serves women victims of domestic violence. We are moving forward and I will teach one class per week to the residents at one of La Casa's centers. I start this Wednesday.

That same day, immediately before clocking out of my day job and hopping on the bus, I learned of a crisis in the Anusara community (for those of you who read this and don't know what that is, it is a method of yoga/spiritual practice that I have aligned my entire life with). I am not going to link to any information here as I do not wish to contribute to the online brou-haha, but suffice it to say, it rocked me to my core and I spent the weekend investigating my thoughts, feelings, and initial reaction to the news. In a nutshell, unsubstantiated allegations were made against the founder of Anusara, and it is rattling the community as we patiently wait for the truth to come to light.

The juxtaposition between the political drama of what in the West is an elite system (yoga) and spending an afternoon with women, most of whom are old enough to be my mother, who are at-risk homeless, living in single occupancy rooms without even a bathroom to themselves, effected me all the way down in my bones. My emotions ran the gamut between heartbreak, anger, disappointment, anxiousness, disgust, fear, annoyance, bewilderment, and uncertainty.

What a brilliant opportunity to practice.

In yoga, the first step is to remember the bigger picture; take a step back, breath fullness into the back of your body, listen, and allow for a little space. We practice this subtle attunement on our mats again and again, day after day, week after week, so that when challenges arise in our "real" life, we learn to respond in a conscious way instead of being held captive by habitual patterns of reaction. This doesn't happen overnight. I doubt there is anyone living for whom this level of presence is a permanent state! Think about it as a well-worn dirt road; regardless of your intention, it is really difficult at first to steer your wheels in a different way when they are so used to just grinding down the same old grooves. But with practice, it is possible to shape a new and distinct path.

If the moment, ahem, shit gets real, I bail on all practice and training and insight and growth I've been supposedly committed to for the past near-decade of my life, then what is the point? It is easy for me to default to the anger that used to so easily rage out of me, that for years now I have been training myself to channel into higher forms. I take this practice so seriously, and the hardest part for me is how with all the online back-and-forth, speculation, and full on vitriol, it is relegated to mere tabloid fodder. I am not over exaggerating or lying when I say yoga saved my life--my early twenties were spent throwing myself so fully into the void just like so many of the ones who came before me that I am grateful every day to be healthy and safe, and even better yet, happy. 

So I guess what I'm saying is practice more. The last thing I will do is claim to have all the answers; I am still young and have so many more experiences to come. All I know is it is on my mat that I feel the anchor that connects me, that connects all of us, to the source. It's the only place where that bigger perspective grows; tuning in to the universal, we are brought back down to earth.

Amen Hallelujah Namaste and a big dose of LOVE
x
See you on the mat, where the rubber literally meets the road (;

FOCUS 2012

Friends!

Here are my top three overarching goals/intentions/aims/foci for this great year of 2012, still so shrouded in mystery:

• Find a new home with my partner, Dave.
• Gain Anusara Inspired teaching certification, the next level of certification in the Anusara method.
• Create a lucrative career.

It is my aim to complete one action per day in service to each of these goals, even if that action is a simple prayer.

My practice goals for 2012

• feet flat on the floor in ado muka svanasana 
• drop backs
• full hanumanasana
• handstand (without the wall!)
• cannonball jumps into handstand
• hips over hands when leaping forward from ado muka svanasana to uttanasana
• full natarajasana
• full vasisthasana (both sides)
• pinchamayurasana (without the wall)
• Memorize the Anusara syllabi (the whole thing)
• LOVE MY BODY

These first few days of the new year have been soft and quiet. I have cut back on caffeine and haven't had a drop of alcohol...save that shot of tequila last Monday with Dave's dad. I am enjoying the clarity and focus that this time is providing, before the busyness of life takes center stage and my energy turns to projects, workshops, trainings, and hopefully a bit of travel.

I'd also like to send infinite blessings of gratitude to the endless support I receive every day. Thanks to those of you who read this blog! Oh, I guess that's another thing I'd love to fire up this year...

In service,

Dani

Fingers Crossed!

You guys! I just found out that Yoga Kula SF has some classes opening up!

Please keep your fingers crossed that they take me into consideration as a teacher there!

xoxoxoxoxo

First cold Friday in November...thoughts and wishes.

This is most certainly an incredible time to be alive.

I thought "hope" was what I felt when we elected Obama; this current is pouring forth from an entirely different wellspring.

I was 17 when the planes hit the two towers. A decade later, I feel my power returning.

Not just mine, all of ours, the collective. It's a cautious excitement, but an excitement nonetheless.

What joy to witness a movement that truly cuts through all ideological lines, you know? An evolution from the power center to the heart, a visible, upward moving connection.

The stakes are higher than they have ever been. And we are rising to the occasion.

I changed over to a credit union today. I was tempted to hop into H&M and peruse the fall merchandise, but I abstained; as alluring as those prices are I am committed to bolstering community with every action, this includes where I use mah monies.

The stakes feel higher inside too. No more lies. No more shirking responsibility. Most of all, no more excuses.

I am so tired of excuses.

May each moment be an opportunity to serve the highest. May we all have the courage to be nonviolent harbingers of TRUTH.

Tomorrow 11am I am assisting Katchie's class, then quick lunch, then will be heading down to march if anyone wants to join...

I'll leave you with this, it's been keeping me going all week, by the incomparable Martha Graham:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

Sigue siguiendo

Things are trundling along. Seven people came to my Monday night class last week, a new record for me in that space so I am excited and humbled and working extra hard to make sure my classes are varied, fun, and challenging to the myriad of levels that are attending lately. The most exciting part is that the students are repeats; that is to say, it wasn't random that seven people showed up that night, I play a part in their presence at my class...suffice to say that I'm doing something right, and I'll be honest, after almost a year of barely one or two people showing up, it feels really good.


Next week is the one year anniversary of the first class I ever taught at Balance in Motion. Teaching yoga is absolutely 100% the opposite of what I imagined it would be during the year I was perpetually enrolled in various trainings and workshops, the year that I attended yoga classes at least five times/week, (even working at the studio to balance this passion--my biggest expense aside from rent), the year I was more-or-less sober and celibate, the year I (and here's where some yogi-speak comes in) remembered my essential nature, and finally stopped filling up the gaps with ridiculous, short-term flings, or searching for answers at the bottom of a pint. I had multiple dreams, vivid, realistic dreams of giving birth, my belly full and ripe; I'd wake up trembling, not so much from the actual details of the dream but from the fact that I knew in my heart I was giving birth to a new part of myself, a delicate, vulnerable part that I would have to hold close and nurture to fruition. It was an exciting time.

Cut to nearly exactly a year to the day later--I experienced some health issues that were quite the opposite of giving birth to something. I won't go into detail here because it's not the place but it was a sharp juxtaposition from my previous year of growth-in both cases, my internal landscape manifested itself physically. I was scared. I had forgotten, in my excitement, that for anything to truly blossom and flourish, old growth must be cut away to make room for the new. I learned that sometimes it feels liberating and expansive to let go of the old; other times, it sucks and I want to do whatever it takes to hold on to it, even after it's no longer useful. It's that old metaphor about the plant: if you don't transfer a plant every so often, it becomes root bound and dies. Same goes for us--my question is, why is the new pot so damn terrifying???


It is a difficult lesson to learn, and one I am still learning, every day. The yoga practice has illuminated the very aspects of myself that I used to run from. I don't know why I ever thought this would be easy! Because it's not, it's actually really fucking intense. That's why this practice works. It's uplifting in that it celebrates all the wonderful things that make you who you are; but it's also really hardcore sometimes to have this very honest mirror held constantly in front of you, and to STILL keep coming back day after day to your mat as a student, practicing, inquiring, listening. I know there is this stereotype of the always-blissed-out yogi, and while I have had moments like that, I've also had the opposite: moments where I feel like a dragon and all I want to do is spit fire at the instructor; or moments at home, where I roll out my mat only to do a couple poses before bursting into tears. I'm not going to tell you it's fun all the time, because that would be a lie, and I'm trying not to do that anymore...


Teaching yoga is an honor and a privilege. I am working on breathing into the growing pains, recognizing when I start to feel anxious about the new growth, and moving forward anyway. It's hard, but it's so worth it. See you on the mat! xoxox

Just what I needed to hear!

Look what the universe sent me this morning:

"I still don't get why people are so surprised that the turtle beat the rabbit over the long run.


Consistent effort, Dani, no matter how small, sparks magic, fills sails, butters bread, turns tides, instills faith, summons friends, improves health, burns calories, creates abundance, yields clarity, builds courage, spins planets, and rewrites destinies."

It's especially welcome as I FINALLY last night updated my yoga fliers and created/purchased updated business cards! It might sound small but it is something, I'm slightly embarrassed to report, I have been putting off for the past 10 months...maybe longer.

These little reminders are so tremendous--I don't know about all of you but I certainly, sometimes on a daily basis, feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. The bigger picture, the greater vision, is so clear, I just want to sink my teeth into it already: and then when I think about how far away I feel from the end result, I can't help but feel bogged down about the state of everything...(initiate thought pattern of doom).

And then I remember! That everything I do is one step closer to the greater vision, that there is no backsliding on the path, that I am doing the best I can, and there is plenty of room for me too, and my particular brand of passion and humor and desire. Sometimes all it takes to tune back into that remembrance is an anonymous email in my inbox on a bright Tuesday morning, on an early fall day, in the glorious city of San Francisco.

Thanks for reading, and remember, "...without you, space, time, and everywhere ever thought of would be far less."

Also, I find it excellent that the universe sounds decidedly like Tom Robbins....
LOVE

Happy Friday!

What's the good word this weekend? If any of y'all are interested, tomorrow morning I'll be at Katchie's 11 AM yoga class @ Yoga Kula, followed by lunch at Stable Cafe, hands down my favorite cafe in the city...

Want to join?

Wishing you all a sunshine filled weekend!

<3

Last night...

..... my teacher said something in class that hit me real good. She said many incredible things, as she is priestess/warrior/sage/yogini, but this one thing stood out in particular:

"By giving up thinking about how things should be, we can get present to how things actually are."

Simple, no? In that instance, she was referring specifically to asana, how, so often, as we are going through the physical motions in yoga class, we get so caught up in how we look: how our pose compares to the person next to us; how, jeez, I've been practicing this pose for years, why can't I just touch my toes/lift my leg higher/stretch my hamstrings et al a little farther; how, if I could just push my foot a little farther or suck my gut in a little more, I would be better... before we know it, we've gotten so caught up in "shoulding" ourselves that we've missed out on the pose completely.

I'm telling you, this blew my mind. I've heard this before but last night, it dug in a little more. Sometimes it's the seemingly simplest of teachings that hit the deepest.

I should all over myself all the damn time... and not just on my yoga mat.

I should have more money saved.

I should be working harder!

I shouldn't eat/drink/smoke/try/indulge/desire/trust/say that. I definitely shouldn't wear that...

I should feel more passion for my job.

I should already be farther along my path than where I am.

I should be more productive!

Sound familiar? The list could go on and on.

My teacher has this uncanny ability to speak to exactly what is going on in our lives--a little three second blurb in an hour and a half class has the ability to pierce right through the bullshit and hit me right where I need it most.

When we come to our mats at the beginning of our practice, but also as we initiate every pose, the first step is to soften simply to what is; open ourselves to the bigger picture, expand our perspective, and accept what is in front of us. Then, into that spaciousness, we organize our bodies in such a way that is optimal, regardless of body type, past injury, pain, and so on. Closing our eyes, breathing deeply, maybe the deepest you've ever breathed before, we drop out of our busy brains and into our bodies, and it is in this sweet spot that yoga occurs.

What I'm trying to say is that we already put enough pressure on ourselves in this foot-always-on-the-gas-pedal culture of ours; yoga doesn't have to be yet another masochistic activity we cram ourselves through. We practice getting present to and creating space around the physical postures during yoga class in the hopes that one day, that presence will trickle over into our "real lives." Once this starts to happen, our experience of life starts to shift, and we create space there too- around our relationships, in our careers, with our creative ideas and projects, and our daily interactions start to flow from this place of space, and we are no longer living at the mercy of habitual patterns and reactions.

What I'm trying to say is, be kinder. Yes, to everyone around you, but first, to your sweet sweet self. Our time is so valuable--don't waste it spending time with the should monster. Enjoy the people in your life-really take time to sit down and listen to them. Go for walks. Touch the things around you. Lay down in the grass. Move your body!

I'm excited to have this little teaching be my guiding light for the next cycle; my practice is going to be, when I catch my self "shoulding," I'm going to stop whatever I'm doing and take 10 long, deep, soulful breaths. I would love for you to join me.

And for you cynics, another nice side effect of the practice is long, leaner muscles, and a stronger core from the inside out. But don't take it from me, try it yourself!

Where do you should yourself? What other practices do you take to ground or return to the present?

"Selling out" vs "Saying yes"

The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it's corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you could die, and it really could be this afternoon, under the same bus wheels I'll stick my head if need be, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no's you've said. No to that opportunity or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say.

No is for wimps. No is for pussies. No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed because they might have sent the wrong message.

What matters is that you do good work. What matters is that you produce things that are true and will stand. What matters is that the Flaming Lips' new album is ravishing and I've listened to it a thousand times already, sometimes for days on end, and it enriches me and makes me want to save people. What matters is that it will stand forever, long after any narrow-hearted curmudgeons have forgotten their appearance on goddamn 90210. What matters is not the perception, nor the fashion, not who's up and who's down, but what someone has done and if they meant it. What matters is that you want to see and make and do, on as grand a scale as you want, regardless of what the tiny voices of tiny people say. Do not be critics, you people, I beg you. I was a critic and I wish I could take it all back because it came from a smelly and ignorant place in me, and spoke with a voice that was all rage and envy. Do no dismiss a book until you have written one, and do not dismiss a movie until you have made one, and do not dismiss a person until you have met them. It is a fuckload of work to be open-minded and generous and forgiving and accepting, but Christ that is what matters. What matters is saying yes."

-Dave Eggers

Shifting the Default

With all the talk of cycles ending, moving from light into dark, expansion into contraction, it seems the natural progression of these thoughts brings me to the following question:

How does one navigate transition and change gracefully?

Typically we humans have our defaults set in such a way that we don't even realize we are in a constant cycle of repeating the same patterns over...and over...and over. Usually we react to things (interactions, decisions, relationships, challenges) in one of two ways: we either shy away from it, tune it out ("I can't do it") or we try to conquer it--muscle through, take control, assert our power. This is our default. Think about your tendency: How do you typically react when something unexpected arises, when your buttons get pushed or something triggers you? What are your patterns in relationships, in your career, in your social sphere? If you are having trouble thinking of something, look no further than your family. The holidays are right around the corner, and a lot of us will be spending time with family members we don't see very often. For me, when I go home to visit my family, it is the shiniest mirror I could possibly imagine reflecting back all the things I may the day before thought I had all figured out and squared away. I see my life through a certain lens; I imagine myself a certain way, until I go home and suddenly I'm 17 again and playing out all the old samskaras with my sister, and I'm thinking, what the hell just happened? This isn't how I want to be.

Now imagine a particularly challenging yoga pose, one that causes you to cringe every time your teacher announces it. What is your default here? I'm willing to wager that how you react to a difficult pose translates exactly to how you react to struggle in your day-to-day life.

So how do we shift the default? Just like anything else in life, with practice. This change won't happen overnight; just as our physical bodies on our mats get stronger with consistent asana practice, and those challenging poses begin to open up for us, so does the practice of shifting out default get stronger over time to the point where the practice doesn't fade away the minute you roll up your yoga mat, but is carried with you into the 'real world' as well.

A consistent yoga practice is a call to the highest: can we practice in such a way that every movement, action, thought, and expression begins to move into alignment with our highest nature? By learning to approach challenges on the mat with a sense of curiosity, rather than aversion or assertion, we are more able to work with life's curve-balls instead of being constantly mowed down or blindsided by them.

Ramakrishna said, "The winds of grace are always blowing; it is for us to raise the sails." By opening to the winds of grace, we begin to have more and more of those fantastic "A HA!" moments and it becomes more and more easy to catch ourselves falling into old patterns and snap out of our defaults with greater ease. And the world in turn starts to turn every day a bit rosier.