The change comes after many months of reflection on my place in the greater scheme of my life; both as a yoga teacher and a burgeoning business owner. More than that though-the name change is a reflection of my renewed commitment to my own truth--not some idea of it handed to me by guru or a dietary philosophy or some future concept based on how I've experienced the past that has me completely missing, you guessed it, the present.
The catalyst for all this was the breakdown of the system of yoga I practiced, which occurred around the same time my favorite teacher moved away. I started to seriously unpack my beliefs around what a living a spiritual life actually meant for me, on my own terms, completely free of the shade I was so accustomed to living in under the previous umbrella of "yogic" v "non-yogic."
A new light started to shine.
Something else happened; during this time of breakdown in one realm of my life, I began my official health training with the Chek Institute, growing a new skill and learning that blew my mind. I began to heal myself with food. The immediacy of the results hooked me and it was incredibly empowering to look at myself in the mirror and no longer feel ashamed of my skin; to re balance my hormones without the use of birth control or antibiotics; and to heal my digestion naturally without pills or a crazy cleanse. I began to listen inward, trusting the messages from my body: checking in more easily in times of stress or overwhelm; following my intuition with the food I was consuming; working out and playing hard when called to, while equally honoring the times my body needed rest and quiet. In short, I started to experience the life I had been longing for, that I thought I would find with my yoga practice, but in reality, had been consistently falling short.
It was also the first time I was in the presence of and learning from healthy people with genuine, authentic, dedicated spiritual practices--without one mention of morality. In the yoga world, I was so accustomed to these conversations about whether or not something was or wasn't "yogic." A few examples off the top of my head: eating meat, drinking alcohol/smoking cigarettes/pot etc; eating organic; one style of yoga v. another; driving a car; flying on a plane, and so on, and so on, and so on. I was attracted to these new people because there was a whole lot less talk, and a lot more action. I saw people living into their own personal truth without any mention of right and wrong, good or bad, should or shouldn't.
It dawned on me: I was sick and tired of yoga. Just the thought of it tilted my eyes back to the top of my skull and had me running for the nearest shot of tequila.
Not MY yoga-the practice that gave me back myself; that made me feel stronger in my body and mind then I ever thought possible; that reconnected me to people and gave me some of the best friends in the world--no, no, that wasn't it. Rather, I found myself alienated from a culture whose breakdown revealed a foundation built on a faux-spirituality and spiritual bypassing that tuned me out out faster than you could say "om."
I don't care if you down a steak after every yoga class or subsist solely on organic raw sprouted almonds harvested lovingly from a biodynamic farm; what interests me is actual reality, not some idea. Do you keep your word, not only to yourself, but to others? Are you able to speak authentically from your own truth, rather than parroting something you've heard a million times or saying what you think people want to hear? Do you stand by your beliefs regardless of ever shifting popular opinion while staying open to a new perspective? Are you living a life that leads you every more closer to your heart and heart's purpose, or are you simply filling it up with as many distractions and to-do's as possible?
I'm officially coming out as a carnivore. No more hiding-this is the real yoga. Expect a lot more tyrannosaurusasana from here on out. I hope to see you on the mat, I promise not to talk your ear off.
The catalyst for all this was the breakdown of the system of yoga I practiced, which occurred around the same time my favorite teacher moved away. I started to seriously unpack my beliefs around what a living a spiritual life actually meant for me, on my own terms, completely free of the shade I was so accustomed to living in under the previous umbrella of "yogic" v "non-yogic."
A new light started to shine.
Something else happened; during this time of breakdown in one realm of my life, I began my official health training with the Chek Institute, growing a new skill and learning that blew my mind. I began to heal myself with food. The immediacy of the results hooked me and it was incredibly empowering to look at myself in the mirror and no longer feel ashamed of my skin; to re balance my hormones without the use of birth control or antibiotics; and to heal my digestion naturally without pills or a crazy cleanse. I began to listen inward, trusting the messages from my body: checking in more easily in times of stress or overwhelm; following my intuition with the food I was consuming; working out and playing hard when called to, while equally honoring the times my body needed rest and quiet. In short, I started to experience the life I had been longing for, that I thought I would find with my yoga practice, but in reality, had been consistently falling short.
It was also the first time I was in the presence of and learning from healthy people with genuine, authentic, dedicated spiritual practices--without one mention of morality. In the yoga world, I was so accustomed to these conversations about whether or not something was or wasn't "yogic." A few examples off the top of my head: eating meat, drinking alcohol/smoking cigarettes/pot etc; eating organic; one style of yoga v. another; driving a car; flying on a plane, and so on, and so on, and so on. I was attracted to these new people because there was a whole lot less talk, and a lot more action. I saw people living into their own personal truth without any mention of right and wrong, good or bad, should or shouldn't.
It dawned on me: I was sick and tired of yoga. Just the thought of it tilted my eyes back to the top of my skull and had me running for the nearest shot of tequila.
Not MY yoga-the practice that gave me back myself; that made me feel stronger in my body and mind then I ever thought possible; that reconnected me to people and gave me some of the best friends in the world--no, no, that wasn't it. Rather, I found myself alienated from a culture whose breakdown revealed a foundation built on a faux-spirituality and spiritual bypassing that tuned me out out faster than you could say "om."
I don't care if you down a steak after every yoga class or subsist solely on organic raw sprouted almonds harvested lovingly from a biodynamic farm; what interests me is actual reality, not some idea. Do you keep your word, not only to yourself, but to others? Are you able to speak authentically from your own truth, rather than parroting something you've heard a million times or saying what you think people want to hear? Do you stand by your beliefs regardless of ever shifting popular opinion while staying open to a new perspective? Are you living a life that leads you every more closer to your heart and heart's purpose, or are you simply filling it up with as many distractions and to-do's as possible?
I'm officially coming out as a carnivore. No more hiding-this is the real yoga. Expect a lot more tyrannosaurusasana from here on out. I hope to see you on the mat, I promise not to talk your ear off.
Go Dani! As one carnivorous yogi to another, I salute you! Looking forward to the next time I can meet you on the mat. I want to cut out that (almost) last paragraph and ask myself those questions when I open my eyes in the morning.
ReplyDeleteDani!
ReplyDeleteSo comforting to read this.
I dealt (honestly, still am) with this 'yogic' identity breakdown a few months ago. Gravitating towards and spending quality time with 'real' people was part of my intuitive remedy.
Just thought I'd throw in my couple cents;)
Great please reading your blog.