Aqui estamos

Lately, I'm at once incredibly inspired and motivated, feeling strong in my body, clear in my head and heart, confident in my day to day interactions and transactions; then, often multiple times in one day, I am completely unsure and hesitant, overcomplicating the easiest tasks, second guessing every idea and decision, vacillating between such complete opposites, constantly walking this fine line between crazily ok and moderately off my rocker.

Within this space of transition, this strange period in my life that I am completely devoted to, captivated by, and yet of which I am often petrified, the one steady, reliable, dependable thing has been my words. I write every day, and every day I work to give myself permission to continue knocking on this door.
She doesn't know it, at least I don't think she does, but I follow my girl Sahara's antics as best I can via this silly machine; I look at her photos, read her scarlet prose and am transformed time and again. Three-thousand miles separate us yet a few words from the lady grounds me back down into the right now, be it with a silly grin in front of this blazing screen or a brief glance outside my window, a new view of the punks I ride the bus with, a reminder that each moment can be remarkable. It is because of her that I am taking this (albeit tiny) leap. Please do yourself a favor and check her out here: http://saharamarinaborja.blogspot.com/

I am here to explore that space, to dig deep into this, to connect...but also to be silly and sloppy and goofy, to ask hard questions with a light heart.


Last Night As I Was Sleeping
Antonio Machado

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamnt-marvelous error!-
that a spring was breaking
out in my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamnt-marvelous error!-
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamnt-marvelous error!-
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.

Last night, as I slept,
I dreamnt-marvelous error!-
that it was God I had
here inside my heart.