It's been an interesting couple of weeks over here in Sage land. I am managing two businesses, teaching 2 classes/week, plus going to school. My partner just moved in, I play on a softball league, and am coaching a leadership training through Landmark education. Hence the title of this post.
I am a little nervous about writing this post. But I recently got clear about the work I want to be doing, so I'm going to share anyway.
My stress level in the past three weeks has skyrocketed significantly. After returning from my year sabbatical in Thailand, I devoted myself to creating a fulfilling schedule that left plenty of time for nothing; I knew that my experience of happiness hinged on the possibility of plenty of idle-time---to nap or write, take yoga class, be with friends, cook, clean; the possibility of simplicity and slowness. I'd experienced life from the confines of a cubicle and I did not like what I saw; more than that, I did not like who I was in that box. I was angry, borderline depressed, drank a lot, and my self-esteem non-existant. The thread of yoga alive in my life at this time often was the only place where I actually liked myself, where I felt strong. After re-learning how to like myself, I vowed that this balance was a million times more valuable than making tons of money. It took some time, but I found that balance and although money was at times tight, I felt healthy and happy for the first time in years, fell in love with a great man, and started teaching yoga.
Fast forward four years, and I'm noticing many old tendencies arising that I thought I had laid aside. Cattiness. Anger. Impatience. I've started drinking more. The glass is decidedly half empty.
I am bringing all of this up for a reason. As the Every Day Sage seed continues to germinate, grow, expand, I want to be as honest as possible. As a health coach I often feel like everything I'm putting out into the world has this glossy veneer of positivity--as if living a healthful, vibrant, happy, meaningful, fulfilling life is so easy. As if finding balance is the most natural thing in the world, and there is something wrong with you if happiness isn't your experience.
So, how DO we navigate the dark moments? Where what worked last week simply stops working? When old habits/patterns/addictions rear their ugly heads, seemingly out of the blue? In those moments of overwhelm, how might we simply sit with the sensation, instead of longing for distraction? When we feel small, how might we channel it into something creative instead of being cruel to our partners/friends/family members? How can we use the tools we've learned on our own selves? How do we quiet the inner critic, that at times relentless devil? How might we learn to honor equally both the peaks and valleys of our lives?
This is the current inquiry.
While exercise, eating whole foods, healthy relationships, and a spiritual practice are all what I wish to support people in, I also want to honor people where they're at. What if we could look at the bad, accept it for what it is, and then move mindfully from a space of acceptance, instead of should-ing all over ourselves or making our experience wrong, or (my personal favorite), constantly comparing ourselves to others we perceive as farther along the path? This is what I'm committed to: radical health and wellness for everybody--even you. Even me.
Come as you are, and fall in love with yourself.
